Two friends were planning an international trip, but one of them had to cancel 3 weeks before it started and is now demanding to get her accommodation money back: 'I’m not giving her money back since I’m not cancelling anything'.

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Aug 15, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

If you cancel last minute, then don't expect a refund.

When you start to plan a trip, one of the first things you take into account is the prices of everything. Money is a big issue and can be the defining trait when you are deciding to go on a trip. You depend on how much you have to choose the flight, the hotel, the activities, even the food. The kind of trip you organize will also be different according to the money you can spend. If you are a student trying to go to Europe, you will probably organize a backpack trip. If you are in your 30's and have a stable job and no kids, your trips will probably look more glamorous with expensive hotels and dining out.

When the trip you are organizing involves somebody else, whether it is a family member, your partner, or a friend, money gets calculated differently. For example, if you have no problem sharing a bed with this person, then the hotel fee will be cheaper as it would be one room paid by two people. Stuff like this is extremely important, as the money saved that you will have may be the whole reason why you can, in fact, afford the trip in itself. So if they decide to step down from the trip, like the friend in the story below, then the whole trip may be jeopardized for both of them.

I think there are time frames that we need to respect when we want to cancel something. For example, you wouldn't tell your friend you are not going to their birthday on that same day unless you had an emergency. I think that applies to other things. Like this case. You cannot tell your friend you are backing down from a trip that you've been planning for months 3 weeks before it happens. And you cannot expect a refund in any way. The trip is planned and ready. You wouldn't be able to cancel the reservation on such short notice. So why expect your friend to cover everything when you originally told her to count you in? 

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  • 01
    My friend and I have been planning an international trip for the past 6 months. 3 weeks before the trip she told me she could no longer come due to unexplained personal reasons. I spent the weeks trying to find someone else to go with, but obviously it's a bit last minute to find a replacement. I had already put the PTO in at work and done all the procedures. More importantly, I've been excited about the trip and have been waiting for it for months. I decided to go by myself even if it might be
    via Illustrious-Sun531
  • 02
    Two men and two women being playful on vacation. Representation.
    via Felix Rostig

    Two men and two women being playful on vacation.

    Representation.

  • 03
    told her this, she expects me to somehow reimburse her for the accommodation that was refundable. All of the accommodation was hotel rooms where we'd be sharing a bed. I had no idea she'd expect this. I feel I could not have cancelled the hotels and rebooked the whole trip for a solo traveler, and I also would prefer the nicer accommodation we agreed to split. AITAH to tell her I'm not giving her money back since I'm not cancelling anything, just because she cancelled 3 weeks before? She still o
    via Illustrious-Sun531
  • 04
    for parts of the accommodation which I was hoping to get back, but at this rate I'd assume not if she wants me to pay her for accommodation that's not even being cancelled.
    via Illustrious-Sun531
  • 05
    A group of friends in the sunset enjoying the view. Representation.
    via Arthur Poulin

    A group of friends in the sunset enjoying the view.

    Representation.

  • 06
    No-Confusion-5578 Have passport, will travel. Where are we going? Yes, canceling and re-booking is a big deal 3 weeks out. Your rates are going to be crazy high-providing you can even get single accommodations.
    via No-Confusion-5578
  • 07
    Annual-Contract-115 You shouldn't have to cancel because she can't go. If you can change the reservation I'm for a cheaper rate then refund her the difference. But if that was the cheapest rate then don't. If she does agree then she can take you to court (don't suggest that but if did comes up with it...)
    via Annual-Contract-115
  • 08
    ufl015 How good of a friend is she? Because you are now locked in a situation where one of you is going to low-key resent the other in perpetuity. It doesn't matter who is right and/or reasonable in this situation. If you refund her money, you will always have resentment for her. If you don't, she will always resent you. Unfortunately, them's the rules from here on out
    via ufl015
  • 09
    PurpleEmotional1401 NTA. She cancelled without giving you a reasonable explanation or adequate notice. Tell your (probable ex) friend to pound sand.
    via PurpleEmotional1401
  • 10
    redhotrojo 1998 I work in travel. Don't give her any money. I could write a long spiel about the specific fees that go into booking a solo voyage but I just randomly woke up at 4am so imma leave it at that.
    via redhotrojo
  • 11
    Fibro-Mite She should have taken out travel insurance (so should you) that's what it is for, covering your losses for unexpected cancellations and any other issues during your trip (like medical problems, loss or theft of valuables etc). Especially for an international trip. You should buy travel insurance pretty much as soon as you pay for the bulk of your expenses.
    via Fibro-Mite
  • 12
    Comfortable-Fall1419 NTA. As long as she isn't experiencing extra financial loss from you going than she does from the cancellation itself it's fine. So if the notional hotel refund is cancelled out by the nonrefundable air ticket then all good. She doesn't get a vote over whether you go.
    via Comfortable-Fall1419
  • 13
    Stunning-Mall5908 NTA. Your trip should be a wonderful experience. But this changes everything. Do not back down. If she bought travel insurance she might be covered for certain cancellation reasons. I am not sure if you would have to then rebook the hotel so she can get her money back. This will possibly cause bad feelings. If she were more transparent about the reason perhaps I would think differently. But unless there is an explanation - and a good reason behind it - I would proceed as you ar
    via Stunning-Mall5908
  • 14
    Comprehensive_End751 Our friends cancelled on our family trip to Thailand 4 days before we left. I made them pay for their own accomodation, flights and excursions. At first it was suggested I pay then they would reimburse but instead I sent the links and gave instructions so they could do it themselves. The whole trip was their idea. It was booked at the last minute because it took them months to get their passports so everything was more expensive but at least I didn't have to worry about gett
    via Comprehensive_End751
  • 15
    No-Bee-4258 NTA If you've tried to find alternative accommodation. I know it'll be harder to find places now, but you should at least look at your options (including hostels! Sometimes they have individual rooms but if you can get an all girls bunk room they can be so much fun) rather than just tell her no and keep her money. If you don't at least look then YWBTA.
    via No-Bee-4258
  • 16
    caramelskin254 I think you are TA in this case. It's not cool that your friend dropped out last minute, but it's equally not cool that you want to spend her money so that you get to enjoy the higher priced accommodations. She's already going at a loss for the non refundable like flight and transport which dont affect your trip in any way by her not going. You don't know what she's going through that made her cancel last minute and having to give up some of that money. She may probably later come
    via caramelskin254
  • 17
    The fair thing to do and most considerate if you still want to be friends afterwards is to request a refund on the hotels and use the money to book yourself a solo room. You feel betrayed and inconvenienced by your friend, and that's very valid feelings under this circumstances. However dont let those feelings morph into hate and cloud your judgment.
    via caramelskin254

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